My dearest friend, Ed Harwood.

February is a bad month for me. Since my buddy Ed Harwood was killed on his motorcycle a few years ago, and the fact that we shared our birthday to the minute (him being the oldest 🙂 it sends me a bit nuts because he’s not around.

In a bit of a less sober moment, I tried to post something that I’d found out of the blue. An old cassette, when it was my birthday a week or so back. And then I spent so much time trying to delete it!

Anyway, I’ll post it now.

Back in the day, when radio ran on steam, I asked Ed if he’d pretend to be a listener to one of my radio programmes so that I could get an (as live) promo (in-house advert) for my Sunday program recorded (as I’d forgotten to make it).

We started just after we came back from the pub (it was an afterthought) and thought it would take about 15 minutes… And we used cartridges for jingles and vinyl for music… Imagine!

The following day, the commercial producer found the remnant of our little drunken effort and made this tape (warning! This contains very, very strong language. Even if you are a friend, please don’t listen if you’re offended by bad language. Please, please.This is why I had to think twice about posting it. I am Irish, y’know! And before you ask… It’s 1982)

Frank from Blaydon!

A new model SEM firm…

Today, I sold my share of McKenna-Direct back to my great buddy, Paul McKenna. It’s been a funny old time with us both being so busy that the online business was just a background thing. However, I’m paid handsomely, McKenna-Direct has a huge affiliate program now (try it, now that the downloads are going to be there for international orders).

And why I did I sell… ? Was I hypnotized? No, now that I’ve started a new company, with a huge international client in there, I just don’t have the time to do “private stuff” anymore.

I love Paul, he and I have been great friends for over 25 years now. Nothing changes there. But I need the working capital to cover the four new hires (amongst everything else) that I have to take on.

All of a sudden, life seems a little less dull than just going from airport-to-airport without knowing the final outcome!!!

I swore I’d never start a new company… But, y’know what? It’s pretty exciting!

Eight years on…

So, it’s eight years since my wife and I were married on the seafront at Larnica, Cyprus. How we haven’t killed each other by now, I’ll never know.

We just couldn’t be more different!

However, I love her dearly, she may be difficult at times, but anybody who can put up with me for eight years deserves a medal or some kind of humanitarian recognition.

I decided that, even though eight years is no special deal at all for a wedding anniversary, at least she should be rewarded for me leaving her on her own for more than 20 weeks last year. Not that she complained that much. But that’s probably because she had to spend so much time with the landscape gardener out in the back. Must be the case, because the phone was so rarely answered when I rang home…

So, I came up with a wonderful idea. I’d take her to London with me as I had to attend a special round table event with my buddy Jim Sterne. And then as a special treat, take her to a west end show. But not just any show… Oh no.

The round table event was last Thursday (the day of our anniversary) but we agreed that we’d have the official anniversary celebration on the Friday. She was happy with that, but was wracking her brains trying to imagine where I was taking her.

Anyway, as a quick aside, she and I traditionally go to a Greek restaurant for our anniversary (being married in Cyprus, and all) but they’ve closed our favourite place down (not the we helped keep it open only going there once a year!).

So, this year I had to come up with something new. Well… I know a little Russian place in London which is just so, so cool. And we’d never been together. Believe me this is the real deal (my wife would spot a fake restaurant a mile away). So, I booked us a table and we drank *real* Russian vodka and ate *real* Russian food. The vodka helped me to build up to the next surprise I had for Tatjana.

I explained to her that with it being our anniversary and knowing what was expected of me, I had responded to an email I received. I told her that the email promised that the product could add a full, three extra inches to my manhood. That’ll excite her, I thought…

Somehow, can’t think why, the thought of a four inch penis still seemed to be very amusing to her…

As a build up to our big Friday night out, I took Tatjana to The British Museum, as a culture-vulture she loves looking at old things (could be the reason she married me, actually!).

We were looking at the bust below and she looked at me and said: Michael, who is that? But I swear… she said it like it was maybe some guy I used to hang out with!

The British Museum is a wonderful place conjuring visions form the very distant past…

In the so contrasting environment of its new, 2000 updated image…

So, what about the west end show? Well, you guys in the States won’t know anything about this, as you were never inflicted by the most fatuous Euro-Disco band of all time, known as Boney M. However, in Europe/UK they were big. But In Russia… They were enormous. Totally huge!

And in London, they’re doing a Abba, Mama Mia type show featuring the hits of Boney M. And it’s named after their first hit: Daddy Cool.

So, purely for my wife whom I love so much, I prepared myself for a night of trite music pap, the type of which makes me head for the toilet bowl.

It was… FANTASTIC! One of the most feel good shows I’ve seen in the west end for years. Seriously, even though the lyrics are about as meaningful as the cat sat on the mat and some of the tunes are pure kindergarten, it is a great show. Absolute escapism. Try it!

And then… I decided to treat myself and take my wife to one of my favourite eateries in London, the Brasserie in the very posh Covent Garden Hotel. Now wait for this… Having spent two hours listening to Boney M… I went to the bar at the brasserie and bumped into former Sex Pistols manager, Malcolm McClaren whom I’d not seen for many a long year.

All in all… a great anniversary weekend. Thanks T – you’re very special. And here’s my favourite picture that I took of you in 2006 – it was your birthday, and what a session that was 🙂 XXX

I launched my new brand today.

Let me be the… last, to wish you happy new year!

Sorry, my new year best wishes are very late. How was your new year celebration? Mine was not good at all.

First of all, I was heading back to Mother Russia, as I did last year. But… yes, there’s always that BUT! I hadn’t noticed that my Russian visa had expired and I had no time at all to renew it.

So, not wishing to let my wife down, I booked the best room I could get on Princes Street, Edinburgh (pure fluke that I got it) for the biggest New year Party of all, the Edinburgh Hogmanay. That should be good, I thought. Two hundred thousand people singing Auld Lang Syne at midnight, bagpipes, fireworks and my favourite sound: champagne corks popping!

The room I got had a spectacular view of the gorge and the castle.

If you want to know what’s going on in the spherical thing below, I’ll show you soon.

The fact that, when I arrived in Edinburgh, I realized (told by a 12 year old when I was at the traffic lights) I had flat rear tyre, and that I drove around the city for 90 minutes before finding a parking space in the Omni Centre, was not a good sign.

Having paid an extortionate extra fee for a room with a view over the gorge and of the castle, I realized exactly what I’d done wrong. Come 4.30 am with people still arriving into the hotel and Princes Street full of pissed people and Hot Dog stands getting in place… I’d have paid a fortune just to get a back-room in the place!

So, come new years eve, Princes Street, perhaps one of the busiest high streets in the UK is empty!

However, the sound stage is looking good. And I’m looking forward to former Geordie school chum of mine, Neil Tenant of the Pet Shop Boys belting it out in the evening (The Fratellis are also playing, so I’m now, very excited!).

And what was going on in the spherical thing?

Kids, bouncing up and down to the ceiling. That’s what!

I LOVE this place. Edinburgh is only a two hour drive from my home and it is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!

New Years eve, my wife and I dressed in our finest and went to eat in Edinburgh’s finest. The last time my wife and I were at No 3 Royal Terrace, Edinburgh I was with my great friend Ralph Tegtmeir and his business partner, Dirk. And what a laid back, relaxing time we had.

This time, my wife picked an argument with me. A whole load of shit happened. And when we got to Princes Street from the restaurant, we were told that the celebrations were cancelled!

My wife and I went to the hotel bar where the argument over… whatever it was, I can’t remember now, only got worse and I threatened to throw my wife out of the window if she didn’t shut the fuck up.

I then had a sudden instant reminder that she is a Russian adversary that I’d rather not encounter too often, physically, verbally or otherwise.

Testicles are precious. You only get two to last you a lifetime.

By now, my limp is hardly noticeable.

All the best for 2007, dear friends.

Absolute shite!

That headline is English for the term: “absolute shite!”, by the way.

I get them. You get them. We ALL get them.

Most of them are not worth the digital space they inhabit and therefore deserve not even a passing mention. But… When you get a “so called” link request out of the blue from someone asking you to link to their portable toilets…

See below, they’re even boasting about a toilet page with PR 7 – what’s that? PissRank!
————————————————————————————————————-
Dear Sir,

We are interested in exchanging links with your site. We are a portable toilet rental & luxury portable toilet site with a home page Google PR of 7 ( next release expecting to be 8 ). As our link exchange system cannot process links until after a reciprocal link has been set up please add our link to your site and send us your linking information.

Here is our linking details:

Title: Search Engine Marketing with SpiderSplat Consulting, Inc.
URL: http://www.spidersplat.com/

Link code:
http://www.spidersplat.com/” target=”_blank”>Search Engine Marketing with SpiderSplat Consulting, Inc

We’ve got several PR 6 and 7 websites, so we expect this site to become at least a PR 8 within 1 month. I hope this can be a way for us to benefit our visitors with excellent content.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Regards,

spidersplat Team
————————————————————————————————————-
And what on earth do they mean with the last line of their email?

“I hope this can be a way for us to benefit our visitors with excellent content.”

A link from a page about how people can take a dump when they’re on the move will be valuable to my customers? And sure, of course I’d be delighted to put a link to your search engine optimization site before you link back to me from your toilets. That sounds perfectly reasonable… Yeah!

Are they really being serious here? We all know what goes in toilets. And that’s exactly where this email should go.

Ladies and gentlemen of search, do we really have to be associated with this sort of crap? I mean, I don’t usually react so badly because with most of them I can just hit the delete button. But this one really does take the cake (or should that be crepe 🙂

You’re invited to the staff Christmas party!

Being unemployed, I’ve chosen a special venue for the annual staff party this year.

It’ll be tight, but there’s probably room for just one more. If you’d like to be that lucky person, let me know and I’ll send you the official invitation 🙂

Chicago… the last show!

Well, that’s it. SES Chicago over and done with and that signals the end of the conference season for me. And what a season. For me personally, I managed to talk my way through no less than 28 events this year. A mixture of large conferences, seminars and small workshops. As well as the private presentations and pitches, of course.

SES was good. Even though it got off to a very bad start. I arrived at the hotel to receive a message telling me that Anne Kennedy’s husband had died. Anne is a very close and dear friend. I spent a weekend with her and husband Gerry (plus close friends Alex and Jenn) earlier this year.

That was the first time I’d met Gerry and was blown away at just what a friendly and easy going guy he was. The kind of guy you just “get along with.” That weekend, we drank Martinis (and anything else in a bottle) had a great dinner at a fab restaurant and then went back to Anne and Gerry’s place. They both loved to play the guitar and sing together, so we were treated to a little blues, their style.

Along with everyone else in our community who knows Anne (and those who met Gerry) I was shocked and deeply saddened when I heard the news. My heartfelt condolences and thoughts are with Anne. God give her the strength and courage she needs at this time.

The Hilton Chicago was the venue once again for SES this year. I came to the US via a flying visit to my home in the UK from China. I checked the weather and discovered that it was snowing big time in Chicago. So I packed my overcoat, scarf and gloves at the top of my case. I didn’t want to travel like that. I thought, if it’s snowing when I get there, I’ll just pull them from the top of the case and put them on. And when I arrived, there was no shortage of snow!

However, when I arrived, there was also no suitcase! It had been left behind in London. So, if you saw a small, blue figure shivering in a t shirt and jeans at the Hilton check-in… that was me!

On Sunday night (the night before the show opened) I decided I wanted an early and not too raucous night. When I found myself wandering around the Hilton car park at 3.00 am I kind of figured that my plan may have gone awry!

First, I’ll blame Hatbait girl Li Evans for wrestling me to the ground and forcing me to drink many a Jameson’s whiskey. OK, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration… but she was there when it happened 🙂 And by the way, who was it who spilled a drink in my hat?

And sure, much as I hate the “linkbait” word, Hatbait certainly worked and they get two links. Please, please ensure that there are no minors around or anyone with a nervous disposition before you click to see this pic.

I had a couple of extra sessions to cover this time. And, as usual, I did the link building basics session. This time it was just my long-term panel buddy and linkmeister extraordinaire, Eric Ward.

I have to say, nobody knows better where the links are than that guy! It was a great session. And a great audience too!

The next day we were back working together again on the linking strategies session. This time, we had a brand new team-mate in Justilien Gaspard. He was covering for first lady of link-building, Debra Mastaler, and did a fantastic job considering it was his first show. Once again a great session (more so because we had Oilman himself, Todd Friesen jump in as Mod for the session at the last minute) and what a great audience 🙂

The final session was the organic session and featured the usual team. Myself, Dave Naylor, Todd Friesen and industry veteran Bruce Clay fended all manner of questions. And fell over laughing at Naylor’s frequently outrageous comments. What was that he said about something falling in the “crack of Google’s arse.” No, there’s no picture of Google’s arse, I’m afraid!

I like Chicago. It’s a great city and it’s right up there with San Francisco and Boston, for me. However, there’s nothing quite like coming home to Geordieland for me. This year I seem to have travelled more than usual. And I seem to have been a little more homesick than usual.

I took a great picture of my city earlier this year when I took a walk along what’s known as The Quayside. I couldn’t help thinking just how wonderful it looked with its bridges, castle, cathedral and history that goes way back.

Most of the time, when you see a picture of Newcastle, you get the iconic bridge picture.

Of course, many people make the mistake of thinking that Newcastle copied the Sydney Harbour Bridge. But in fact it’s very much the other way around. The Tyne bridge was actually the prototype for Sydney Harbour Bridge, which is why the Australian bridge is a replica (albeit a larger replica).

This morning, on the way to work I had to go via the coast to pick a package up from a friend’s house. Heading back to the city, I glimpsed the old Victorian lighthouse on St Mary’s island. I had to stop and take a pic. It sent me swirling back in time. I must have been five years old (or less) when I first remember my parents taking me to see it.

Anyway, here I am home for the holidays. I guess I’ll be dropping in to blog something every now and again. But just in case, I’ll wish friends and family and readers all the best for the holidays and have a great Christmas and New year.

Tardy blogging…

Blogging is a difficult thing. You need to have the time. And you need to have an audience. And generally speaking, for this blog, I don’t usually have either.

That said, I don’t like to let people down and a couple have asked recently if I could mention something that isn’t about me drinking Mojitos in far-flung oriental places.

Always happy to oblige (and always happy to buy the Mojitos too 😉

OK, first up as this is still bubbling away today, my buddy in air miles, Joe Morin is up to something. He’s helping a young SEO guy who is very ambitiously trying to raise the cash online to pay for an ad in the middle of the Superbowl.

Now, I know about selling pixels online and people swapping paper clips for houses… But this is very different. Now I’d be very happy to make a donation, as long as the logo for my company is also included in the ad… 🙂

Hang on… I don’t have a company… I’m unemployed 🙁

Actually, apart from anything else, I’m completely off online competitions and the like. Although this is a little different to the usual, dreary link bait scam, it seems. And if Mojoehito Morin is backing it, well it deserves some support.

Anyway, to find out more. Just pop over to Starwood Hotels number one guest to find out more.

I think Danny has blogged this (and many others) and that’s good. I’ve always had a soft spot for training and education in the SEM industry. In fact, back in the dark ages I bought www.search-engine-academy.com to start on online education initiative… and then never got around to it!

So it’s a good job that leading sheep shearer, agony aunt and SEO/SEM instructor Kalena Jordan has.

If you’re looking for a jump start into the SEM industry, here’s your qualified route.

Kal, nice to see you in my in box. It’s been a while. I thought you’d gone walkabout or something 🙂

Baz and Big Buddha (again).

So, for the sixth time this year, I headed off to the other side of the planet to China and wonderful Hong Kong. This time in the company of my long-time friend and colleague, Barry Lloyd.

Baz had been through Hong Kong airport going back-and-forth on his travels. But this was his first opportunity to stay in the city. And although he’d lived and worked in Taiwan at one point, this was his first trip to mainland China, when we popped into Xiamen for a couple of days.

So, finding that I can now navigate myself like a local inhabitant around Hong Kong; and Xiamen almost being a second home, I felt duty bound to act as tourist guide for Barry.

It was great to see my great friend Inway Ni and business partners RQ and Jon. They really are much like family now. Inway speaks fluent English and acts as interpreter for RQ and Jon. They can both understand a lot of English but don’t speak a great deal. This is quite evident when I see them grimace at my frequently awful jokes.

Once again I stayed at the wonderful Sheraton Hotel in Xiamen, which really is a wonderful location. Here’s Barry and I with Jon, Inway and RQ in the lobby of the hotel after we’d been out for a most splendid Chinese banquet. The guys are great hosts and always take me somewhere exceptional for traditional food.

Of course, although this was Barry’s first trip into China, he already knew Inway, as the three of us spent some time together in new York a few months back. This is when Inway was given his Mojito initiation at a great place I know down at the seaport area. We sat in the sunshine and drank the place dry of Mojitos (reminds very much of a similar incident with Joe Morin when we ended up skipping through Knightsbridge together… ahem! Another time for that one 😉

Anyway, back to Hong Kong we returned and slummed it at the JW Marriott. Yeah, yeah I’m joking. This is probably one of the plushest hotels on the island. And what could be more? It had a cigar bar! Baz was delighted… and within minutes I was back on 20 cigarettes a day (plus cigars). I know, I know, for a guy who had a throat cancer scare last year I should be shot. And when my wife found out… I almost was!

Once again, I met up with my close friend Eddie Choi and he and I and Barry enjoyed a night in a fabulous Thai restaurant. There’s no picture of Eddie this time as he says his wife is beginning to track his movements just by viewing my blog 🙂

Barry and I had some meetings on Saturday morning so we’d already decided to stay over the weekend. And so, after our little excursion to Xiamen (where Barry was close enough to wave to his old friends in Taiwan) I became tour guide for Hong Kong. Up to the Peak we went and gazed over the city and indulged in a wonderful lunch of Dim Sum. All manner of which ordered by Barry who is a Dim Sum addict.

And of course, come Sunday, we travelled out to Lantau Island to Po Lin monastery and another audience with the majestic Big Buddha.

About 230 islands belong to the territory of Hong Kong and Lantau is the largest (bigger than Hong Kong itself). You can take the MTR to Tung Chung at the end of the line and grab a cab to Po Lin. There are also buses ( a very bumpy ride). And now, the new tourist attraction which is the Ngong Ping cable car ride.

We took a cab again this time, which is about a 45 minute ride (on a good day). I heard that the cable car ride (spectacular as it is floating over the mountains) had long lines to wait and took a while to get to Gnong Ping. But recently I discovered that the cable car can actually get you there in about 20 minutes (but you still have to stand in a line).

The time before, when I was at Po Lin, Inway was with me. Yesterday he sent me a picture that he’d taken of me then, which I’d completely forgotten about. I have no doubt that, when I turned up again last week, Big Buddha was looking down thinking “not that idiot again!” 🙂

Perhaps the highlight of the week for me was spending a little quality time with a new friend called Manny. Her English wasn’t perfect but after a couple of attempts at explaining Kleinberg’s hypertext induced topical search algorithm, she simply became emotionally overwhelmed with her new found knowledge… I think.

Okay, see you in Chicago next week?