I hate my wife…

Nobody knows what it’s like to do things you’re forced into. My wife makes me do something so disgusting, I can hardly talk about it.

But this is my confessional. This blog is where all my deepest thoughts end up.

I want to talk about it, but it’s so hard. And disgusting…

I need a second to think before I write this…

My wife makes me… She makes me… I can hardly type through my tears… It’s so horrible. Absolutely horrible!

She thinks it’s normal… But she asks me to…

She… she makes me eat vegetables!

But no, it’s worse than that. She puts green ones in there. You know, the type that cows and sheep and other animals eat. It’s horrible. It’s disgusting and she makes me do it ALL the time.

She once put… I can hardly talk about it. She once put… Please wait, I’ll be OK in a moment.

She once put a pile of baby spinach on my plate and forced me to eat it. But wait, there was poached egg on top. And she wouldn’t let me eat the egg without the spinach.

She’s a maliciously sick woman. She needs help…

And I need a plastic bucket… she just made me eat rocket uuuuurrrrgggghhhh!!!!

eMetrics Marketing Optimization Summit.

Not long to go before I head to Washington DC for the must-attend eMetrics Marketing Optimization Summit. The whole shebang gets off to a flying start October 14 and rocks through until October 17.

I’ll be chair/moderator of the search analytics track which runs over two days (October15/16). And there are some fantastic speakers and great topics. I’ll start the ball rolling on Monday morning (15th) and then we have author and analytics guru, Avinash Kaushik. We’re then joined by Manoj Jasra of Enquiro Search Solutions. My great pal Andrew Goodman joins the party and Chris Boggs pitches in too. And then we have Pat Stroh, Vice President Analysis Decision & Support at IMPAQT.

Plus there are four other tracks covering every aspect of online marketing over the entire four days. This really is a top class show and one that I always look forward to.

The venue is the Omni Shoreham Hotel. I’ll be geting in on the Sunday. So if anyone wants to join me for a splash of sherry in the evening, I’ll be in the Hotel’s Marquee bar from about 7.30. No doubt I’ll be dragging Goodman and Boggs along with me 🙂

If you’re a search marketer and live in the DC area, whether you’re coming to the conference or not, why not just pop in for a beer and say hi anyway.

The Algarve.

Well it’s the time of the year that I get to see one of my favourite views.

Tatiana and I had a little trip to the Algarve for the first time. Neither of us has been to Portugal before. I got a little tip from a friend about where to stay.

The Hotel Algarve Casino is perched atop the rocks from whence the resort gets its name, Praia Da Rocha (rocky beach). We booked a studio with a private sun deck and nice view over the beach.

And it has to be said…

No matter which way…

You look at…

The beach… It’s BIG!

The beach also has a nice long promenade with lots of small restaurants. Curiously, all of them are exactly the same shape buildings. But each one seems to manage to put their own stamp on it.

It’s a very nice resort. Pretty much like Spain, I guess. It has its fair share of cheesy Irish Bars and discos. But it also has a very classy hidden side in the Marina area.

One great spot we found was the private Nickei Beach club.

I picked up a nice bird while we were there 🙂

Of course, we had to visit the capital. So we spent a day in Lisbon. Our city visits usually involve a church. So, we had a quick peek in Jeronimos Monastery.

Torre de Belem, is a fortified tower located in the Belem district of Lisbon. It was built in the early 16th century to commemorate the expedition of Vasco de Gama. It has become one of the symbols of the city. And a major tourist attraction.

Lisbon has a bridge just like the Golden gate in San Francisco (and built by the same company too). It’s hard to see in this shot. But to the right of the bridge, as you enter the city there’s a huge statue of Christ The king, very much the same as the one in Brazil. Wonder which one came first?

We decided to head downtown for a bite to eat and crossed the main square in the city.

And into the main street which has lots of places to eat.

We found the perfect spot and enjoyed a wonderful lunch of fresh seafood cooked in a traditional Portuguese style.

And finished off with a drizzle of Madeira for T and a few splashes of cognac for me.

After which, T went to do a little shopping. And I decided to go back to the main square and have another look at the architecture. Well, T did laugh when she came to find me and saw just how closely I was inspecting the architecture!

There was one shot I had just to take at the resort and that was the one below. If you’re a fan of Little Britain, like me, you’d probably expect to see Matt Lucas and David Walliams walking out, declaring in very high pitched voices; “We’re ladies!”

It’s very rare that T ever considers going back to the same place twice. But she certainly enjoyed this so much she’s already decided on coming back next year. If you’re looking for something pretty laid back and quiet, just to chill and laze around the pool and the beach, this is certainly the place to do it. Cheers!

Goodbye Dasha…

We had a Dasha day on Sunday. This week it’s time for my little huggy-hunny to spread her wings and fly. Time to flip her snappy Geordie accent into a Mancunian drawl, as she heads to university in Manchester.

Your mother and I will be regular visitors to Manchester from now on, Dasha… It means I get to see you… And also sneak off for a pint with my mate and fellow Geordie, Jon Myers who lives in Manchester too 🙂

You’ll have a great time hun. Manchester is a great city… Full of boy students… What more could you ask for!

San Jose – the missing pics…

I knew there were some other pics from SES, San Jose and found them when I was looking for something else. Isn’t that always the case!

Mike: Steven, I give you one meeelion dollars to sleep with your woman.

Steven: She was actually only going to charge you 500 bucks, but a million’s cool, thank you.

My pal Steven Riley and his beautiful partner, Lorena. Yes, they’re having a little laugh at my joke… Not really, when Lorena sees it, she will fly from her home in Brazil all the way to Newcastle, swiftly kick me in the nuts, and then fly back again.

Only joking again. Really she’s my very huggy buddy.

And on the subject of buddies…

Mike congratulates Danny on his latest driving offence and they both tally up how many points they have on their respective driving licences 🙂

And here I am with my favourite companion… Yes, it’s shampoo! And with me… Jake Baillie, Jill Whalen, and yes, Steven and Lorena. I think Steven and I must have thrown at least 18 bottles of shampoo between us at the Marriott where we started and then later at the Fairmont. That’s what I like about Steven… Like me, he loves the odd glass of shampoo!


SES, London 2008
I’m totally knocked out about the huge number of speaker requests I’ve been getting for SES, London 2008. However, I can’t really respond to everyone with an answer unless there’s an official application.

Yes, yes, I know, some people have spoken at the event before. But we are changing the show for 2008 with a mixture of new and previously successful sessions.

Sorry about the red tape and official line. But honestly, the sooner you get on the official list, the better. And I’ll get back to you personally as soon as we’re ready to ramp up for the show.

If you want to speak at the London event (or any other SES show) please fill out the form here:

http://www.searchenginestrategies.com/forms/ses_speakers.php

I’ve also got a very neglected SES, London group on FaceBook, which I will most likely shift over to the search engine watch forum before the show, so we can get some live dialogue going.

I have to say, so much early feedback about the show is most welcome. So remember, even if you’re not pitching for a speaker gig but attending as a delegate, you can also suggest new topics and ideas for the show.

Cheers!